I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
