we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
