It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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