you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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