My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
