Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
