The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
