We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
