My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
