She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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