That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
