dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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