just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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