does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
