Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
