you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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