Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
