Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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