sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
