Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
