He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
