I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
