how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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