put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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