I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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