Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
