i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
