this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
