i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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