YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
