I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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