dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
