margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
