hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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