So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
