so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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