i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
