She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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