I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
