why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
