Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
