yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I intend to get homeless drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
