no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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