Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
