I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
