Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
