the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
