you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
