If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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