You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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