i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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