bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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